I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
