The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I want is dick and wine.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
