i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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