I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
