Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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