It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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