Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
