Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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