I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
