and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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