She is in my trunk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
