i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
