Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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