sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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