They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
