Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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