My brain says no but my pants say off.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
