At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
