just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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