What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
