A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
