should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
