ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
