You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
