Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
