I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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