Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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