Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
