Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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