i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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