captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i believe in u and ur pee
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
