I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
