Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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