Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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