I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
