i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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