Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
