Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
