I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
