How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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