so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
