Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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