you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
