if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
