I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
pray to the hookup gods
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
