I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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