You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
