Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
