Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just googled if crying burns calories
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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