When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
