I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
